Loyal to Love

Have you ever examined your life and stopped to think about how you have viewed God in each stage? When was your relationship strongest with Him? When was it weakest? What major events were happening in your life when you've noticed really positive or negative feelings with God? As I took some time to reflect on these questions, I realized that I've lived a blessed life. Materialistically speaking, my parents aren't wealthy, I don't drive the nicest car, and I'm a college student so I'm constantly losing money rather than acquiring it. But I've also been fortunate enough to not have had many tragedies occur in my life so far either. All the grandparents I've ever known are still alive and well, my parents are still happily married after 27 years, I grew up living comfortably in a safe, small town in God's country, and I'm a year and a half away from earning a college degree. Life is good. I'm content with where I've been and where I'm at, but I think that that has also unfortunately defined my relationship with God since I became a Christian. Through grade school I always did my best to obey God because I knew that that's what He expected of me since I was a Christian. For the most part, I respected my parents, I was always in church when the doors were open, I prayed every day, I was a good kid. In middle and high school, I just knew God had to have been impressed with me because I didn't drink or do drugs and I didn't have sex, unlike many of my peers. I was very self-righteous and at times very judgmental of the other students around me. I focused more on the rules of Christianity than I did the relationship, and for some messed up, strange reason, I was okay with that at the time. When I got to college, life got a little bit harder. I was faced with a lot of freedom and temptation that I had never experienced before and my faith was tested. As much as I would like to say I passed with flying colors, I didn't. I fell flat on my face. And Satan tried to keep me there for a while. He kept covering me with guilt and for once in my life I was ashamed of who I was. But as powerful as Satan is, he is no match for my God (For where sin increased, God's grace abounded all the more - Romans 5:20). It took several months for God to convince me that He had forgiven me and that it was time for me to forgive myself. It took several months for God to woo me and prove that my worth is found in Him, not in what I've done. I was the most broken I've ever been, and up to that point I was the closest to God that I had ever been in my life. I'm currently in the closest relationship I've had with God and I believe it's because "the LORD is near the brokenhearted, He saves those crushed in spirit." I'm not in that stage anymore, but coming out of it I've chosen to take my refuge in Him. In my quiet time today I read about Job and how Satan seemed to have underestimated him. Job was extremely blessed and loved the Lord, but Satan believed that followers of God only love God because of the blessings He gives us. So he tests his theory by destroying everything Job owns, killing his children, and even plaguing him with an awful, incurable disease. But Job refused to curse God and proved to Satan that believers don't love God because of what He gives, but instead because of who God is. We love God because He first loved us, and His love overflows in our lives. Instead of turning away from God, Job took refuge in God in his darkest times and found strength in the Lord. I don't mean to be repetitive but I can't help but notice this recurring theme of strength and security in the arms of the Lord. I've never experienced, and hope to never have to experience the chaos that Job went through, but I do know that no matter what I am a conqueror and coheir with Christ and I've already defeated Satan. I dare him to underestimate me and bring me closer to my loving Father, to make my love and faith stronger. My love for God isn't based on what He has or hasn't given my in my life but it's based on the love He's already shown me. It's also comforting to know that God's love is unconditional, no matter what I do.